I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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