Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
