We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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