eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
