brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
