I cannot find my penis.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
