She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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