I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You need a sexual gate keeper
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
