You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
