We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
