dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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