why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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