If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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