I wanna bring you to show and tell
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
