Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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