Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
