I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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