I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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