I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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