rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
