remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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