so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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