you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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