What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
