wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
