he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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