Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
