So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
