it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
