I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
