he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
