I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
