im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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