my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
