dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
