My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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