By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My ATM looks so different sober.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
