I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
