You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
