hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
