omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
