he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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