I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize