i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
