Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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