Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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