Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
