Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Found your dick twin last night
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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