How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
