Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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