Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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