Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
