I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
