Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
