I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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