Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
