I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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