you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
