Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
