I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
