My underwear smells like fireworks.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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