Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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