I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
