is your mom at the bar?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Randomize
