She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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