This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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