You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
