You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
