Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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