So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
