you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
