You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
