look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
