While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
