Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
