Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I need to sanitize my soul.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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