hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
