We're facebook friends in real life
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Barsexuality is the new black.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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