did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
