Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
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It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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