We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
