Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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