So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
